I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
