you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
