Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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