areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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