dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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