Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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