I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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