I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize