My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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