So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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