My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
