he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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