wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
