how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize