I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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