I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
