I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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