I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
