enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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