I wish I could teleport
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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