Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize