I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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