i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
