You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
