Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize