I haven't been this sober since birth.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
