I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
