my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
