We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
