Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
