ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize