who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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