Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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