Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
