Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
