I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
