Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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