Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
