I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
