just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
