Who wears a wallet chain?!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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