Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
