we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
