If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
do herpes really smell.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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