The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
