I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
