I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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