Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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