You're my little dorito
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
