i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
