I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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