I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I want her autograph on my taint
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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