White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Boobs are out for the taking
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
