btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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