Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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