i already hear my dad disowning me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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