We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
