so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
