and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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