She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
