Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
