People in love make me want to vomit
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
