so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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