I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
