Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
