There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
