so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
