Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
