I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
