he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
