There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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