I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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