if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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