my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
