I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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