One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
