Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize