when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
