Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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