I will die if light touches me.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
