Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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