i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
