woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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