Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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