Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize