There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
