I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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