I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
