Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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