I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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