he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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