Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This baby is an asshole
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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