You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
