Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just google imaged poop.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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