we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize