apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
