so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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