I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
