imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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