So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
