Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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