I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
