Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
