I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
