dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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